Join the revolution! No-Shave-November
Bryan Honeycutt
Issue date: 10/18/07 Section: Opinion
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Solution: Change your religious beliefs to one that necessitates abundant facial hair. Just a few possibilities include Eastern Orthodox, Sunni Islam, Rastafari and the list goes on. This will make any termination on the basis of 'poorly maintained facial hair' illegal.
Problem: Some men's beards appear thin, patchy and horrendously unattractive.
Solution: Take heart, you will be laughed at, but you will not be alone. If you find me during the month of November, I will resemble that junior. high kid growing his pseudo beard in hopes of scoring beer at the corner liquor store.
Problem: Some girlfriends may show interest in joining in with the efforts of NSNTCA, thus raising very practical problems.
Solution: Lovingly explain that NSNTCA is applicable only to facial hair, thus (hopefully) preventing her from shaving abstinence. If her persistence becomes bothersome, dump her immediately.
Gentlemen of SHSU, I implore you: participate in NSNTCA and raise testicular cancer awareness. Ladies of SHSU, I also implore you: support our efforts in NSNTCA by complimenting us on our handsome beards and telling us how brave we are. Save money on razors and shaving cream. Resemble important bearded men like Chuck Norris, Jesus and Walt Whitman. Your refusal is a proverbial slap in the face of modern heroes like Lance Armstrong and Tom Green. Your compliance will usher in a new era of awareness for the least fatal cancer.
Problem: Some men's beards appear thin, patchy and horrendously unattractive.
Solution: Take heart, you will be laughed at, but you will not be alone. If you find me during the month of November, I will resemble that junior. high kid growing his pseudo beard in hopes of scoring beer at the corner liquor store.
Problem: Some girlfriends may show interest in joining in with the efforts of NSNTCA, thus raising very practical problems.
Solution: Lovingly explain that NSNTCA is applicable only to facial hair, thus (hopefully) preventing her from shaving abstinence. If her persistence becomes bothersome, dump her immediately.
Gentlemen of SHSU, I implore you: participate in NSNTCA and raise testicular cancer awareness. Ladies of SHSU, I also implore you: support our efforts in NSNTCA by complimenting us on our handsome beards and telling us how brave we are. Save money on razors and shaving cream. Resemble important bearded men like Chuck Norris, Jesus and Walt Whitman. Your refusal is a proverbial slap in the face of modern heroes like Lance Armstrong and Tom Green. Your compliance will usher in a new era of awareness for the least fatal cancer.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Martin Spellman
posted 11/01/07 @ 9:28 AM CST
Your column is so stupid. You had a good topic and you ruined it by putting stupid, retarded jokes and suggestions and have convinced me not to listen to anything you say. (Continued…)
Robert B Sloan
posted 11/04/07 @ 4:38 PM CST
I will take up that challenge. I will refrain from shaving my testicles for one month. Martin Spellman will not be pleased.
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