Key Words: Singled Out
Adam Key talks the perceptions society and families have on being single in this day and age.
Adam Key
Issue date: 11/17/09 Section: Opinion
With Thanksgiving being next week, I know a lot of Bearkats are really looking forward to the holidays. We'll break bread with relatives that we're thankful to only see twice a year, eat astounding amounts of overly fattening food, and take a moment to consider all the blessings of the past year.
For many freshman, especially those who live a considerable distance away from Huntsville, it will be the first time they've seen their extended family since starting college.
I, for one, am not particularly looking forward to Turkey Day. I'm not dreading the strange food or the relatives who fell far, far away from the family tree. What makes me cringe, however, is the question that I know I will be assailed with over turkey:
"Why aren't you married yet?"
It's a question that I know I'll be asked at least 6 or 7 times over dinner, if I'm lucky. I'll hear it from everyone, from grandparents wanting great grandchildren to my younger cousins who have just recently or soon plan to get married themselves.
The biggest problem with this question are the assumptions it makes. It presumes that I plan to get married, and more offensively, implies that there is something wrong with not being married already.
It's not just my family. If you're single and 25, society starts treating you in much the same way I imagine they used to treat lepers. People legitimately think that there is something wrong with you if you are not actively seeking a mate.
You're immediately assumed to either be someone trying to have sex with as many women as possible, or a gigantic loser who couldn't get a date to save his life.
Either way, like our leprous brethren of yesteryear, we end up shunned.
The older you get, the worse the treatment becomes. As more and more of your friends enter the Twilight Zone that is holy matrimony, they start seeing you as the odd man out.
Married couples have married friends. They do things together, as couples. Single people, for whatever reason, are not allowed into their exclusive club.
For many freshman, especially those who live a considerable distance away from Huntsville, it will be the first time they've seen their extended family since starting college.
I, for one, am not particularly looking forward to Turkey Day. I'm not dreading the strange food or the relatives who fell far, far away from the family tree. What makes me cringe, however, is the question that I know I will be assailed with over turkey:
"Why aren't you married yet?"
It's a question that I know I'll be asked at least 6 or 7 times over dinner, if I'm lucky. I'll hear it from everyone, from grandparents wanting great grandchildren to my younger cousins who have just recently or soon plan to get married themselves.
The biggest problem with this question are the assumptions it makes. It presumes that I plan to get married, and more offensively, implies that there is something wrong with not being married already.
It's not just my family. If you're single and 25, society starts treating you in much the same way I imagine they used to treat lepers. People legitimately think that there is something wrong with you if you are not actively seeking a mate.
You're immediately assumed to either be someone trying to have sex with as many women as possible, or a gigantic loser who couldn't get a date to save his life.
Either way, like our leprous brethren of yesteryear, we end up shunned.
The older you get, the worse the treatment becomes. As more and more of your friends enter the Twilight Zone that is holy matrimony, they start seeing you as the odd man out.
Married couples have married friends. They do things together, as couples. Single people, for whatever reason, are not allowed into their exclusive club.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Jennifer
posted 11/18/09 @ 12:26 AM CST
"The truth is, I am rather happy living the way I currently am, and it's a lifestyle that I could not maintain if I was in a committed relationship."
The truth is, being in a committed relationship should enhance your life, not restrict or take away from it. (Continued…)
Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles
posted 11/22/09 @ 4:09 PM CST
This is a fantastic article, well stated, timely, and insightful. It's terrific that you recognize discrimination against singles (singlism) for what it is and haven't succumbed to the pressure to pair up just for the sake of having a partner and fitting in. (Continued…)
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